Simultaneously to having made such an inspiring connection, and with real possibilities in the future for setting myself up a genuine residency at LJMU Astrophysics, I was really hitting problems in my gut feeling about the project.
Although lovely, and fascinating, and smart, Andy is used to suggesting ideas, and leading projects, in a way that was really familiar to me, having mainly worked when a graphic designer with really senior academics.
I was really concerned about working with someone who I wouldn't be on an equal footing with, and who is quite an intense personality. I was also aware that the problem was my own situation at this time, feeling that my practice was at quite a delicate point, where I had to remain focussed and didn't want much external influence.
After the initial inspiring quantum conversation, I realised that the astrophysics department is more about interpreting data than quantum physics. Andy's specialism and take is also educational sci-art, and didn't entirely fit with my practice which is more delicate and strange. My connections with people in my work are not educational, I try hard to make them equal and let people share their knowledge with me as an equal transaction. I'm sure we could have reached an interesting compromise, and an outwardly successful project, but this didn't feel like the right time in my progression for that to happen. Again it was about timing for me, and I'm sure that in the future, when I am more secure in my practice, I could make a really interesting project there.
I was really concerned that both having a client type relationship, and with someone not 100% on the same wavelength could really throw my practice in general off at that point.
I had a really bad gut reaction reminding me of my work as an artist / graphic designer before the course, working with very senior academics and writers, who viewed what they were doing as collaboration but were essentially the boss. This dynamic really affects your personality besides your work, as you are constantly seeking approval and validation, your output being based on the opinion of others. Working as an artist on the MA has strengthened my core somehow, my work aiming for honesty and the approval only of myself, and has resulted in so much better work and deeper confidence.
This was a stressful period, but maybe I needed to work through reminding myself of where I had come from, what I now needed to seek and avoid and having the self confidence to choose my own path.
I realised that I needed to be my own boss, even if only a boss of one !
Although lovely, and fascinating, and smart, Andy is used to suggesting ideas, and leading projects, in a way that was really familiar to me, having mainly worked when a graphic designer with really senior academics.
I was really concerned about working with someone who I wouldn't be on an equal footing with, and who is quite an intense personality. I was also aware that the problem was my own situation at this time, feeling that my practice was at quite a delicate point, where I had to remain focussed and didn't want much external influence.
After the initial inspiring quantum conversation, I realised that the astrophysics department is more about interpreting data than quantum physics. Andy's specialism and take is also educational sci-art, and didn't entirely fit with my practice which is more delicate and strange. My connections with people in my work are not educational, I try hard to make them equal and let people share their knowledge with me as an equal transaction. I'm sure we could have reached an interesting compromise, and an outwardly successful project, but this didn't feel like the right time in my progression for that to happen. Again it was about timing for me, and I'm sure that in the future, when I am more secure in my practice, I could make a really interesting project there.
I was really concerned that both having a client type relationship, and with someone not 100% on the same wavelength could really throw my practice in general off at that point.
I had a really bad gut reaction reminding me of my work as an artist / graphic designer before the course, working with very senior academics and writers, who viewed what they were doing as collaboration but were essentially the boss. This dynamic really affects your personality besides your work, as you are constantly seeking approval and validation, your output being based on the opinion of others. Working as an artist on the MA has strengthened my core somehow, my work aiming for honesty and the approval only of myself, and has resulted in so much better work and deeper confidence.
This was a stressful period, but maybe I needed to work through reminding myself of where I had come from, what I now needed to seek and avoid and having the self confidence to choose my own path.
I realised that I needed to be my own boss, even if only a boss of one !
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